My husband died when I was forty-one years old. We had been married for almost nine years. In all honesty, I had built my life completely around Todd. I thought we would grow quite old together, and it never occurred to me that I might face my forties alone. Being on my own again brought a loss of direction, and a resulting sense of panic. In a moment, I went from being Todd’s wife to Todd’s widow. My life became so empty yet full of pain without him.
Mainly to distract myself, I threw my energies into a degree program and have been fully immerged in this college degree for the last three years. As I rapidly approach completion and graduation, I am forced to face the profound question that I eluded until the present, “Who am I?”
As I face another major life change, I can no longer avoid the issues of identity. At first I felt scared witless at the prospect of determining the answer to this challenging question. But with deep prayer I have come to embrace this time of uncertainty and transition with great anticipation and expectancy.
The passing of grief truly opens the door for positive expectation about what the future may hold. As you stumble through the early stages of grief, do not pressure yourself to answer the big question of identity. This season is not an appropriate time to make major moves or change jobs. Go at your own pace. Remember the grieving process is as unique as the person who is grieving. Acquaint yourself with who you are right now. Assess your life and take inventory of all your blessings, large and small. Allow others to comfort and support you.
Most importantly, be honest and unafraid to express your fear of the future. I recommend keeping a journal, which will help you gage your progress as you travel your grief journey. When you finally arrive on the other side of your grief, perhaps you will discover a new and better you for having experienced and survived your loss.
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